Illuminations Review

Josh Groban has finally released a new album and I am annoyed to report that it is a giant disappointment. The album is an unfortunate cross between Neil Diamond and Paul Simon. So to fully illustrate my feelings it's time for an open letter to Mr. Groban.

Dear Josh,

I'm confused. Why did you feel the need to completely change your sound? I understand the need to branch out and show fans who you really are, but instead of being enlightened I feel confused. I know the title of the album is "Illuminations" but what should I be seeing? I feel more disillusioned than anything. I almost feel guilty for saying this because if you were truly so unfulfilled with showcasing your vocal range and find pride in your new sound who am I to tell you otherwise? I have been a fan of your since the beginning but I honestly don't get it. The truth is after waiting 4 years for this album I was just expecting more.
I understand that you worked hard co-writing every single song but they kind of all sound the same. On "Awake" you were able to change it up by adding new sounds to the old stuff. The end result was magic. The African inspired music combined with your traditional classical sound created a multifaceted album that appealed to a variety of people. Although "Illuminations" was something that took a lot of time and effort, it resulted in only one sound.
Even though I don't like this new album I will probably continue to listen to it and hope that the next album is more reminiscent of your earlier stuff.

Love,
Ariel

tyra

Dear Tyra Banks,

I don't care that you are a crazy, wanna be stage mom. I find your antics and nonsensical outbursts not only entertaining but reassuring as well. Whenever I listen to you ramble on with the other judges about things that have absolutely no connection to reality I feel better about myself. So thank you Tyra, thank you for boosting my self esteem in a way that no one else can say they have done.

Love,
Ariel

why September is weird

I love summer and I hate winter. I also quite enjoy autumn. Convincing myself to let go of summer is often very difficult, however when I start drinking my pumpkin spice lattes and eating caramel anything I am happy again. I think just knowing that after fall comes winter makes it really hard for me to let go of summer. So:

Dear September,

I'm sorry that you fall* at such an awkward time of year. It is really unfortunate that winter's impending doom overshadows the wonderful things that you bring. Every year I am disgruntled as I put my flip-flops and shorts into storage, but once October comes I am over my attitude and have re-accepted my Converse and apple cider. I'm sorry, September, for taking out my pre-winter angst on you. Maybe one year it will be an Indian summer and then it will be less painful for the both of us.

Love,
Ariel


*Pun totally intended.

following the trends

When I was a freshman in college I read Eat, Pray, Love. I loved it. Then it became the new "it" book and everybody else loved it too. Then it faded away as most fads do and now that the movie has come out we all love it again. Normally I'm one to resist media fads (at least I like to think so), but this book really struck a chord with me. I can tell this not because I enjoy talking about the book (which I do) or because I saw the movie right when it came out (which I did not) but by looking around my room. When I moved home from college my room contained all the same decorations I've always had but now it's becoming more and more like World Market. I bought a new comforter today (for $5) and when I put it out along with my new curtains (also $5) my mother said "wow, it's very...Bali in here." Sure enoug, I have new candles and new wall hangings all making it seem like I'm Liz Gilbert just coming home from her trip. Even my new office has fallen victim to the cultural decoration attack.

I can't give all the credit to Ms. Gilbert and her wonderful story. I was bitten by the travel bug a long time ago and books like hers only inflame it. The funny part is-I'm totally fine with all the new decor. I think now I'll go turn on some of the world music I've been downloading and pretend like I'm on vacation.

starbucks - open letter

I think this will be my new thing. I know Todd will try to take credit again, but I give the credit to Jubal @ Kiss 106.1

I'll try to keep them short, sweet and hopefully decent.


Dear Starbucks,

How dare you raise the prices of my favorite legal addictive stimulant? I didn't complain about the raise of candy, soda or alcohol prices. If your prices get any higher I'm going to have to start buying Folgers and that would be seriously tragic. Please rethink your strategy.

Love,
Ariel

last quarter quotations & notations

I'm taking three classes in this final quarter of my college career. They are as follows: Reproductive Ecology, Sex & Gender in Society, and Native Peoples of the Pacific Northwest. So far I've decided that taking two classes that have to do with sex and/or reproduction is overwhelming yet informative.

"...and the Canadians are such slackers. I mean, I don't even know how they're going to replace the current population. You'd think in the winter months they're get busy..."~Reproductive Prof

"I don't know my chromosomes very good." ~Reproductive Prof

Why do people say "eck cedra" instead of "et cetera"?

"Where would the world be without tequila?" ~Native Prof

"It's a fun class except for the times when misery will overcome you." ~Sex & Gender Prof

"...Oh gosh, you know I talk about these things in class and I get these songs in my head...you know...Baby Got Back..." ~S&G Prof

"Women in heat get more meat." ~S&G Prof

"If we could bottle & sell oxytocin it would be a weapon of mass romance." ~S&G Prof

"Anthropology should be practical right?" ~S&G Prof

the music is all around us

If you've never seen this movie, do so. I rediscovered this song in my iPod and decided to share it. Every time I hear it I get chills.
Warning: if you haven't seen the movie yet I wouldn't watch this clip.

celebrities

Guess who came into the store Friday? This guy!

Guess who was cleaning the bathrooms when he left? Me.

I saw him drive by the front windows though and saw the back of his head when he was shopping on the other side of the store.

that's what she said?

Me: "Jeff, you get to be the bad guy today."
Jeff (my manager): "I'm always the bad guy. I root for the bad guys. When I was watching Frosty the Snowman I was rooting for the sun!"

Jacquie (in reaction to a woman breast feeding in a cafe): "I know babies need their lattes too but that's just weird."

Katie: "I get all hot when I hear words like cell metabolism."

Professor: "The healthier you are, the more symmetrical you are."

Me:"That's where my people are from...Wisconsin and Polish."
Katie: "They have good ass hot dogs."

Jacquie: "WE HAVE A DRAGON BOY IN OUR BACK YARD!"

Jacquie: "They're like flaming nunchucks!"

Professor: "I will metaphorically shoot you..."

Professor: "I wrestled a 13 year old male..."

Professor: "If anthro is worth anything, it should provide insights to any situation we're in."

Professor: "I need a lot of private time, not for sex per say..."

Professor: "They believe it also reflects your parent's moods at the time they conceived you-let's hope they were having a good time."

Professor: "Something that kills your labido and for most of us our reason for getting up in the morning..."

Teacher: "I will not talk football. I will talk iceskating or I will talk cookbooks."

Teacher: "When caffine doesn't work eat sugar!"

Teacher: "Cholesterol is a precursor to sex hormones...can you imagine how boring life would be without cholesterol?!"

Teacher: "Hmmm kinky peptide...that's interesting."

Teacher: "I fell asleep with my endocrinology text book last night."

Teacher: "I was playin' poker when I started labor and I wasn't going anywhere because I was winning!"

New words I like:
pertinacious
licentious --> my teacher used this one in class "I don't want to say slutty...so we'll just say licentious."

can you hear me now?

The other day a representative from Verizon called me to ask me a few questions about a recent survey I had filled out for them. In the survey I told them that I was disappointed about the lack of service I get in my house and in many buildings on campus. I also told them I don't like how my free nights and weekends start later than my friends with other carriers. Ironically, when he called he wanted to know where I didn't get service but I couldn't tell him because I didn't have enough bars. He did inform me that I could purchase an extender pack that would allow me to get service in more places. Good idea! I should pay more to be able to use my phone indoors! I mean, the idea that the money I already pay you should allow me to use my phone anywhere is preposterous! Especially after seeing ads like this, I'm not sure how I ever got that idea in my head.

fear

I love the ocean and the water, but two of my biggest fears have to do with it. I have a phobia about aquatic vegetation and tsunamis. After I read an old post that mentioned what I am afraid of I really started to think about it and I am truly terrified of tidal waves, which is totally irrational. Well, maybe not totally. Every year I go camping on the beach where there are tsunami evacuation route signs posted all over the place. Maybe years of reading them has created this anxiety. In fact, I'm fairly certain I've had nightmares about tsunamis. Curious.

hot dogs

Roommate #1: "You don't look so good. Are you tired? Your eyes are red."
Me: "Yeah my eyes are on fire. I don't feel good. I shouldn't have eaten that Polish dog."
Roommate #2: "Wait, are you allergic to hot dogs?!"