Illuminations Review

Josh Groban has finally released a new album and I am annoyed to report that it is a giant disappointment. The album is an unfortunate cross between Neil Diamond and Paul Simon. So to fully illustrate my feelings it's time for an open letter to Mr. Groban.

Dear Josh,

I'm confused. Why did you feel the need to completely change your sound? I understand the need to branch out and show fans who you really are, but instead of being enlightened I feel confused. I know the title of the album is "Illuminations" but what should I be seeing? I feel more disillusioned than anything. I almost feel guilty for saying this because if you were truly so unfulfilled with showcasing your vocal range and find pride in your new sound who am I to tell you otherwise? I have been a fan of your since the beginning but I honestly don't get it. The truth is after waiting 4 years for this album I was just expecting more.
I understand that you worked hard co-writing every single song but they kind of all sound the same. On "Awake" you were able to change it up by adding new sounds to the old stuff. The end result was magic. The African inspired music combined with your traditional classical sound created a multifaceted album that appealed to a variety of people. Although "Illuminations" was something that took a lot of time and effort, it resulted in only one sound.
Even though I don't like this new album I will probably continue to listen to it and hope that the next album is more reminiscent of your earlier stuff.

Love,
Ariel

tyra

Dear Tyra Banks,

I don't care that you are a crazy, wanna be stage mom. I find your antics and nonsensical outbursts not only entertaining but reassuring as well. Whenever I listen to you ramble on with the other judges about things that have absolutely no connection to reality I feel better about myself. So thank you Tyra, thank you for boosting my self esteem in a way that no one else can say they have done.

Love,
Ariel

why September is weird

I love summer and I hate winter. I also quite enjoy autumn. Convincing myself to let go of summer is often very difficult, however when I start drinking my pumpkin spice lattes and eating caramel anything I am happy again. I think just knowing that after fall comes winter makes it really hard for me to let go of summer. So:

Dear September,

I'm sorry that you fall* at such an awkward time of year. It is really unfortunate that winter's impending doom overshadows the wonderful things that you bring. Every year I am disgruntled as I put my flip-flops and shorts into storage, but once October comes I am over my attitude and have re-accepted my Converse and apple cider. I'm sorry, September, for taking out my pre-winter angst on you. Maybe one year it will be an Indian summer and then it will be less painful for the both of us.

Love,
Ariel


*Pun totally intended.

starbucks - open letter

I think this will be my new thing. I know Todd will try to take credit again, but I give the credit to Jubal @ Kiss 106.1

I'll try to keep them short, sweet and hopefully decent.


Dear Starbucks,

How dare you raise the prices of my favorite legal addictive stimulant? I didn't complain about the raise of candy, soda or alcohol prices. If your prices get any higher I'm going to have to start buying Folgers and that would be seriously tragic. Please rethink your strategy.

Love,
Ariel